midnight on ganymede

by Gany.

*

 

Dear. Momentum.

 

in the event that i die in the next few moments

it will always be important to know…

your something new. i think you have might have woken me up.

and i have had an existence that art would be jealous of.

i have had a life that has been full of poetry.

full of beautiful people.

fun. laughter

caring.

Loving.

but no one has looked at me quite like you have.

you have entered into the way i myself see the universe.

 

meaning simply.

i want to ask you out.

 

i gave you your present on Sat.

and yes

that was a line of poetry.

but now

i want to ask you out.

and

that will also be a line of poetry.

 

i do not try and believe i know anything.

i really really don’t.

it’s that i finally feel like i can write again.

and that makes me glad.

i can take all the things my past self wrote and either

print the mania

or burn it all to the ground. really

i do not give a shit either way.

 

because it will always be important to know that without you,

this whole thing means nothing.

 

and that when you told me you loved me

and i was able say it back.

i got so so incredibly sad.

and i really just began to miss you all the time.

 

you made me want to hear those words for the rest of my life

and only from you.

i am still not exactly sure how to make that happen

and chances are i never will

 

Just know

you woke me up.

and if i die with these poems.

but i have you…

All will be worth it.

and i will have no reason for regret.

because i took the chance,

and you helped me.

so thanks.

 

i will see you soon.

just know that this is only just in case.

 

just in case i never learn to not miss you.

which i am sure i never will.

 

-grayson Howard

 

*

 

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DESTINY.

this is not what this is about.

I AM NO KID. I AM NO MAN. I AM EVERY ANIMAL.

this is not what this is about.

I EXIST IN EVERYTHING. I HAVE BEEN EVERYTHING.

now this is what this is about.

I HAVE SEEN THE ETERNAL.

the eternal has seen me.

I SWEAR TO REMAIN IN OUR CURRENT; AN UNDULATION.

for i love her so.

I SWEAR ON MY SOUL THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.

i was silenced with still everything to say.

I BELIEVE IN ETERNITY AND IT HURTS ME SO.

everything wasn’t supposed to fly through the window. but since it has, and will again, wake me the fuck up.

THIS SENSATION CANNOT BE STOPPED AND IS PAINFUL.

though it feels amazing and clear.

BUT THERE IS RELIEF IN LOVE MY FRIEND. \

but there is real relief in love my friend.

ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.

meanwhile ratlyon, on the moon Ganymede heaven really does exist.

me and her have a garden there with all kinds of animals.

and we make honey.

so that while the coldness of the moon buries our bones within the story of the universe, it does not have half of the effect upon her and i’s eden that you might imagine.

the sky only seems a bit more grey.

but above.

o God above! jupiter is so lovely.

i can’t even look at her sometimes.

i can’t speak to her at times.

but she’s mine.

we’re here forever.

we will live forever.

we may die forever.

but we are everything.

we are the eternal.

we are the undulation.

we are the over soul.

any argument must occur in order to proceed with our honeymoon which is forever.

Any argument ends in making up for now and forever.

we gather crystals that we find around our home there.

they shine even now.

they make wonderful candles which i see now in the corners of her eyes.

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DESTINY.

but i believe in her.

We are alone no more.

i feel a power never controlled before

and with letting go and making myself vulnerable to her

that i have found a love so strange that it makes me manic

and then puts me to sleep.

 

my dreams are reality.

 

i just want to take care of you.

You don’t need it but i want to so incredibly bad

And the midday sun is finally above Jupiter.

The moon turns. We talk about honey.

“We make love and feed our fishes.

We talk quietly and hold our turtles.”

 

*

 

DUTY BEFORE PLEASURE

YET IN THE HOUSE OF THE JEW I AM WITH THE SOUL OF JESUS. I MUST FLOAT UPON THIS RIVER BEFORE I CAN BECOME THE SEA. – THAT BRIDGE JUST SHOUTS

“THE QUESTION.”

CAN IT BE THIS SIMPLE?

& BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE I WISH TO RUN WITH  I HAVE DISCOVERED SOME COURAGE AND WILL GIVE YOU MY EVERYTHING.

 

ALL IS GOD IMAGERY. METAPHOR AND FEELING.

 

THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTH DIED ZARATHUSTRA, AND HE MUST DIE ONCE MORE FOR HE MURDERED OUR GOD.

 

I WISH TO HEAR WITH MY EYES AND SHATTER MY HEART.

I HOPE I CAN SEE IN DEATH THE JUSTIFICATION FOR LIFE.

i speak these days never quitely. i shout. i have never shouted before.

 

BUT FOR NOW I CARRY AND EAT THE CORPSE. AND IN THE FOREST I LAY GOD’S HEAD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TREE TO PROTECT OUR BODY OF FAITH FROM THE MONSTER

 

doubt

 

BUT SOON I WILL LEAVE MY DUTIES AS A VESSEL AND FOCUS ONLY ON THE REBIRTH OF THIS ANIMAL.

THEN WE ALL WILL BE PART OF THE RESURRECTION OF SPRING.

 

but on gany. we listen to music.

we lay around our days.

i write.

she calls me names.
i want to hold her constantly,

we look at jupiter constantly.

we love this moon.

we love our temple,

we think of having kids.

we see their eyes.

we see them running.

we seen them swim the river.

i protect her.

i love her.

 

the first time she told me i was so incredibly sad.

i wanted those words to be true so very much.

 

i dont know what the fuck love is but it is this.

 

“pass the tea dear.

i need more honey.

you are the most beautiful thing i have ever and will ever see.

don’t you ever let me go.

i miss you all the time and your always here.

you are my everything.

 

:jupiter orbits the sun. gany flies around it.

the forever is real. galaxies align.

 

ask me how i know.

 

just don’t expect logic

my mind never works like that even when it did.

something has woken me up.

 

*
THE ENERGY OF OUR INFERNAL JUPITER SHOUTS THAT

NOTHING BELONGS TO I.

THE RAW MATERIAL THAT IS LOVE IS BUT

A PLAYGROUND FOR ANGELS AND DEMONS.

HOW THE FUCK WILL MY BRAIN EVER SLOW DOWN?

IT IS QUITE IMPOSSIBLE TO DISTINGUISH ANYTHING.

WHAT DOES OUR HEAVENLY FATHER WANT OUT OF OUR IDEALISTIC VIEW OF FALLING IN LOVE ANYWAY?

 

breathe so that i may breathe my dear.

everyday an adventure.

everywhere we go we bring back paintings.

all of them are mathematical representations of eternity,

all of them created by artists under the intoxication of eternal life.

Romance builds galaxies. Romance inhabits moons.

Romance saves me. you save. your love is my courage.

“she fixes me. she provides me with story.”

bumble bee’s leaving the hive. we want to make honey anywhere

and only together.

never alone.

 

**

*

If I woke up this morning in the hospital I would have flipped.

 

But Summer is coming my friend…

Lonely hearts stay scared for only so long.

 

Grab the locusts and pick up the plague.

For the gold is real

and the brain is only concerned with Vigilance.

 

Death a thing always of regret.

Doubt always something of a barrier.

I will destroy it all. Again.

 

As afraid as I am.

 

For Summer is coming my friend…

Scared hearts stay lonely for only so long.

 

*

 

Doubt never cowers –

Ever runs another corner.

 

So powerless to Emotion,
Courage draws back into misery.

 

Dawn runs momentum too though.

And is resurrected on the following day.

 

Yet animals see never a loved one after –

That even sleep reminds them of the final deed.

 

*

 

  1. Sex;

 

softer now.

calmer.

And yet at any moment a storm.

 

Ganymede has shifted a bit. And divinity

breathes great channels into an animal returning to the

River and with Momentum of all things.

 

Yet all things rest. gain chop and awe.

 

Power corrupts indefinitely and with great precision

does confidence slay each creature

 

and with no exit does the moon swing around the

system which Chaos rules with seduction.

 

*

 

536: rude now

 

Obvious and tender. Does the blind man grope for

a face. a name. or

An identity to hold onto.

 

With perception being ruined

Breathing momentum and exhaling

exhaustion seems right.

However nothing seems wrong

and everything seems not at all right

 

and just is

and just is cause and effect;

dispersion into avalanche.

my mind attached upon the mechanism of Love is.

 

rude now.

obvious and tender.

 

and at the mercy of old angel midnight

at all times indefinitely never.

 

*

 

  1. just spilling with time:

 

Never back where you started.

And always where you are;

Does the nightingale cry upon

Enchantment or Charisma.

 

Every flirtation a door.

Every door leading infinite Universes.

 

Indefinite moons with Edens planted

into the river system so that Lovers in trance

upon Divinity may rest their heads

while it rains softly and Poe is on the TV

 

and me and you are still under the covers.

 

Never back where we started but

Always in the trees with a nest

and Cummings is on the Radio.

and I am asleep now

anyways with dreams of you

always where I am.

 

*

624; closer now the faucet

 

you wish to know that this is about

that which you have wished to know

but Edens empty into my heart alone

and in yours always yet in mine always

Alone.

 

And if ever not…

Paint pictures of Her.

For she will be Glorious.

Indefinitely eternal. and

thinking of the stars in the

Eye

of all times.

and in the heart of Ever;

the sedation of Always;

or the current of Adam.

 

So pitch the Day into the Night

and love me sweetheart forever

say

i love you sweetheart forever

say

i love you sweetheart ever.

say i love you.

sweet heart.

Since last December

sweet heart

Since last December.

 

*

 

521; more cold water:

 

“Dissipation into longevity

or whichever comes first,”

Dickinson says while she rides my

train upon the track of these holy headboard.

and she reads to me her poetry; her

Lord, energy. her

movement upon

the dearest enemy of efficient Momentum

and with her verse comes clarity;

comes genuine exhaustion;

Sleep. Death to the Dreams of the Day

and for good reason

With the Lord of Romance having

been shared, rattled out by our hungry

animal limbs, manic eyes and depressed tongues;

our story content with warm skin

on warm skin

warm now my bones on this pitiful moon

Finally are.

 

*

 

525: shaking off the rust

 

in dark rooms

does Ganymede

find the slit

and with his hand

bring the universe into

existence

so that it may be beautiful

again. and with fervor

horny and decadent,

indecent,

dejected and with drive

into oblivion does

she take off her clothes,

and for who but me?

 

*

 

637; vanilla yogurt

 

only natural corners does this young youth know to run game

 

and yet with much thought and concern is the dying of the day

 

and what seems only to remain is but the chance at another.

 

this young sir knows nothing and speaks nothing and is still wonderful in that way.

 

until i learn much more than i ought to know which is yet close and around

 

the side of this entropy does this corpse know to run tricks.

 

build gardens.

 

love romance.

 

love time.

 

die in that time and love it all still

 

“for the children of my Universe run game into the far corners of moons

 

in which way the sun comes around the bend the corner once more.

 

and peaks around to say good morning again my sweet.”

 

*

 

927: all i see

 

a record spins

my life

a record spins

my wife. my life

my eyes open to kings. queens

and this energy pulls me through the window

and into the sky

 

ending all to envelopes are sweet the letters

of yesterday are and forever will be


*

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